$176,070 Soul Dollars
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Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Jamie Lynn and dumpster babies...
I'm really disgusted with Western society right now. I mean, more so than I usually am. There are a lot of people screaming that Jamie Lynn Spears is glamorizing teen pregnancy. And maybe, to some degree, she is. But that's a side effect of her reality. This kid has lots of money. She has been working in TV and movies for several years now, and has amassed some serious cash. So yes, when she got knocked up there wasn't some big panic for her of "oh my god how am I going to pay for this baby?" She was able to just have the kid and carry on. Good for her. It's not as if she's saying that all sixteen year olds should rush out and get pregnant. And now there are people freaking out that in an interview with OK magazine, she says that being a mom is "the best feeling in the world." Apparantly she's supposed to hate her life, hate her baby, and be miserable for the rest of eternity. Apparantly by saying that she loves her daughter and is extremely happy to have her little family, she is singlehandedly bringing about the destruction of childhood in North America.
FUCK YOU, ASSHOLES.
As a "teen mother" (god I fucking hate that phrase, more later) I can tell you that there is nothing glamorous about getting knocked up young. And the reality is that for us normal folks, having to provide for a child is HARD FUCKING WORK. Some girls are lucky enough to have immense support from their families-they continue to live at home rent-free, their parents babysit while they're in school/working/just continuing to be normal young women, they get huge amounts of financial support...and to those girls I say "stop whining you spoiled cunts, you get all the good parts of having a baby with none of the hardships." If anyone is "glamorizing teen pregnancy," it's these completely average young women whose parents continue to support them AND their children. They have no extraordinary circumstances (such as celebrity and wealth) yet they continue to have perfectly normal lives while procreating at extremely young ages.
Some of us don't get that help. I have survived innumerable hardships and done everything short of prostitution or theft to provide for myself and my son. Having him so young made my life harder than it really needed to be. But does that mean I should love him any less? Should I wallow in misery and self-hatred for the rest of my life? Should I start some sort of movement advocating mandatory abortions or adoptions for anyone who gets pregnant before they're 20? Should I tell young moms that their lives are over and they may as well just give up?
This is why I hate the phrase "teen parent." It carries such negative connotations. While I was in the hospital after Ronin's birth, recovering from an emergency c-section, I got a harsh introduction to the world of "teen parenthood." I woke up from a nap the day after the birth to be told by a nurse (possibly the only decent human being working on the maternity ward...mat nurses are by and large cuntsmears) that the hospital social worker had been down to NICU (Ronin was quite premature) to "check up" on my baby. This didn't sit well with me. As some of you may be aware, you just don't fuck with The Beckstar. So, in spite of my still oozing incision, residual fuzziness from the anaesthetics, and the fact that I hadn't walked on my own since the surgery, I figured I had to deal with this. I plopped my bloody, stoned self into a wheelchair and headed off to the social work office on another floor of the hospital. When I confronted this woman with questions about why she had been down to "check on my baby" without my permission or even knowledge, while I was having a nap and recovering from fucking SURGERY, she responded with, "It's policy. All children born to mothers under the age of 18 receive a routine welfare checkup." When I asked why parental consent for this "checkup" wasn't required, she told me that "when the parent is under 18, it doesn't really count."
Excuse me?
So, a HEALTHY baby is born to a HEALTHY mother, albeit prematurely due to TRAUMA RECEIVED IN AN ACCIDENT, not by any defect or fault of the mother, and because the mother is under 18 you can just waltz in and poke and prod the baby, looking for a way the mother may be unfit, and her consent "doesn't really count?" What the fuck country is this, lady? I'm sorry, I thought I was in Canada, with a Charter of Rights and Freedoms or some shit like that. I raised quite a fuss about this little incident and informed the self-righteous cunt sitting across the desk from me that either I received an apology in writing or the Human Rights Commission and every media outlet in the province received my story in writing. The end result? I got a letter from DSS apologizing for my "being upset by the behavior of their employee," and stating that they "regret her decision to perform the inspection without my knowledge, but it is department policy to conduct said inspection, and parental consent is not required where the welfare of the child may be at stake." Basically, they didn't need my consent for the same reason they don't need the parent's consent when allegations of abuse arise. If you are under 18 and give birth in Saskatchewan, you are automatically under investigation for child abuse. Now, this may have changed in the past eight years, but that's what the policy was "in my day."
Let's recap. Western society says that if you have a baby when you are a teenager, you WILL be a bad parent if left to your own devices, you probably already have abused your child somehow before they are born, and your life is effectively over. Therefore, you must do penance by hating both yourself and your child forever, and you are not allowed to enjoy the experience of parenthood. You must instead don sackcloth and ashes anytime you are seen in public with the child, go on welfare for the rest of your natural life and refuse to even attempt to better yourself, because you are a Teen Parent and the best you can hope for is meager survival.
People, this is why things like the "prom baby" happen. Granted, girls who do shit like that are probably a little fucked up to begin with, and it's utterly wrong. I'm not excusing their behavior. What I am saying is that when we bombard young women with these ideas that if they get pregnant they're completely fucked (ha ha) and then expect some sort of contrition in place of celebration from the ones who do have babies, we create a culture of fucking dumpster babies. I have pulled Ronin out of a daycare centre because the owner had the balls to make a distinction (while I was in the room) between "teen moms" and "real moms." I have said very unpleasant things to complete strangers who have made comments like "don't you think you should have at least had the decency to give that baby to someone who can take care of it properly?" I have gotten into a physical altercation with a girl who told me that I shouldn't be happy to be a mother at my age. You just don't fuck with The Beckstar. But not every young mom can be me. The reason these attitudes are allowed to continue is that many young moms don't feel they have the right to stand up for themselves as women and as mothers. And unfortunately, in many parts of our community, the stereotype of the undereducated young mom is true, so these girls don't know how to defend their family the same way I have. (With a few notable exceptions, I tend to believe that the pen is mightier than the sword. But when you mess with my family you'd best believe that I will fucking gut you with that pen and write a letter to my MLA in your blood.)
Let's educate these teen moms, you say? Open special daycare centres and programs for them?
Let me ask you something, my friend. ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH? Have you paid any attention to today's lesson at all? Better yet, have you ever set foot in one of those "special programs" for teen moms? Go ahead, try it. I fucking dare you to see how long you can take being spoken to as though you're a five year old sociopath before you just give up and flush all your kids down the WalMart toilet.
What we need is for people to pull their heads out of their asses and treat mothers like mothers, regardless of age. Discrimination against young parents is a form of human rights violation that is not only still legal, but in fact sponsored by our government. Yes, educate children about sex, pregnancy, birth control and everything that entails. I am a huge proponent of reality-based education, and telling young women that if they have a baby before they are truly ready it will be HARD AS FUCK. What I want is for girls who do get pregnant to be told that they can still accomplish anything they choose, they might just have to work a little harder for it. We need to get rid of these "daycares for children of teen parents" and "teen parent programs." In fact, I wholeheartedly applaud the Saskatchewan Party for abolishing that den of government-employed fuckstains that used to operate on Avenue M South. I have struggled in my life with depression and suicidal thoughts, but never so strongly as I did after my only visit to that building during my pregnancy. Looking back now, I kind of want revenge on the government health nurses and counsellors who psychologically fucking raped me that day, but at the time I walked home KNOWING that my life was effectively over and that I would truly be better off throwing myself in front of a passing truck than ruining my life and dooming my unborn child to the worst kind of hell on earth by having the audacity to have a child at that age.
We as a society need to start treating parents like parents, no matter their age. I am a better mother than many women twice my age. Good or bad parenting does not depend on one's birthdate. I am all for support programs for parents, but they must be all-inclusive. It is extremely psychologically damaging for a young pregnant woman to have to face a distinction between herself and a "real mother." We cannot segregate parental support based on age-it must be done based on need. And regardless of age, a woman who chooses to give birth to and raise a child MUST be allowed and encouraged to see the joy in her decision, and to love her child the way nature has dictated. If we tell young women they shouldn't be happy, love their children and enjoy being mothers, they very likely won't. And that leads to poor parenting and a repeating cycle of poverty, abuse and misery in a far more direct way than age ever can.
I celebrate my child. I have walked a hard road because of my decision to keep him, and I celebrate that too. It has made me who I am today, and this child has brought me more joy and more learning opportunities than anything else in my life. Anyone who says that young mothers shouldn't celebrate their children the same way older mothers do should be sterilized on the spot, because they obviously have some deep seated hatred of children if they advocate parental apathy like that. And if this celebrity controversy can raise public awareness of this travesty, I'll be thrilled. Unfortunately, what it seems to be doing is giving these hateful, discriminatory fear-mongers a platform for their filth. And that makes me a sad panda.
FUCK YOU, ASSHOLES.
As a "teen mother" (god I fucking hate that phrase, more later) I can tell you that there is nothing glamorous about getting knocked up young. And the reality is that for us normal folks, having to provide for a child is HARD FUCKING WORK. Some girls are lucky enough to have immense support from their families-they continue to live at home rent-free, their parents babysit while they're in school/working/just continuing to be normal young women, they get huge amounts of financial support...and to those girls I say "stop whining you spoiled cunts, you get all the good parts of having a baby with none of the hardships." If anyone is "glamorizing teen pregnancy," it's these completely average young women whose parents continue to support them AND their children. They have no extraordinary circumstances (such as celebrity and wealth) yet they continue to have perfectly normal lives while procreating at extremely young ages.
Some of us don't get that help. I have survived innumerable hardships and done everything short of prostitution or theft to provide for myself and my son. Having him so young made my life harder than it really needed to be. But does that mean I should love him any less? Should I wallow in misery and self-hatred for the rest of my life? Should I start some sort of movement advocating mandatory abortions or adoptions for anyone who gets pregnant before they're 20? Should I tell young moms that their lives are over and they may as well just give up?
This is why I hate the phrase "teen parent." It carries such negative connotations. While I was in the hospital after Ronin's birth, recovering from an emergency c-section, I got a harsh introduction to the world of "teen parenthood." I woke up from a nap the day after the birth to be told by a nurse (possibly the only decent human being working on the maternity ward...mat nurses are by and large cuntsmears) that the hospital social worker had been down to NICU (Ronin was quite premature) to "check up" on my baby. This didn't sit well with me. As some of you may be aware, you just don't fuck with The Beckstar. So, in spite of my still oozing incision, residual fuzziness from the anaesthetics, and the fact that I hadn't walked on my own since the surgery, I figured I had to deal with this. I plopped my bloody, stoned self into a wheelchair and headed off to the social work office on another floor of the hospital. When I confronted this woman with questions about why she had been down to "check on my baby" without my permission or even knowledge, while I was having a nap and recovering from fucking SURGERY, she responded with, "It's policy. All children born to mothers under the age of 18 receive a routine welfare checkup." When I asked why parental consent for this "checkup" wasn't required, she told me that "when the parent is under 18, it doesn't really count."
Excuse me?
So, a HEALTHY baby is born to a HEALTHY mother, albeit prematurely due to TRAUMA RECEIVED IN AN ACCIDENT, not by any defect or fault of the mother, and because the mother is under 18 you can just waltz in and poke and prod the baby, looking for a way the mother may be unfit, and her consent "doesn't really count?" What the fuck country is this, lady? I'm sorry, I thought I was in Canada, with a Charter of Rights and Freedoms or some shit like that. I raised quite a fuss about this little incident and informed the self-righteous cunt sitting across the desk from me that either I received an apology in writing or the Human Rights Commission and every media outlet in the province received my story in writing. The end result? I got a letter from DSS apologizing for my "being upset by the behavior of their employee," and stating that they "regret her decision to perform the inspection without my knowledge, but it is department policy to conduct said inspection, and parental consent is not required where the welfare of the child may be at stake." Basically, they didn't need my consent for the same reason they don't need the parent's consent when allegations of abuse arise. If you are under 18 and give birth in Saskatchewan, you are automatically under investigation for child abuse. Now, this may have changed in the past eight years, but that's what the policy was "in my day."
Let's recap. Western society says that if you have a baby when you are a teenager, you WILL be a bad parent if left to your own devices, you probably already have abused your child somehow before they are born, and your life is effectively over. Therefore, you must do penance by hating both yourself and your child forever, and you are not allowed to enjoy the experience of parenthood. You must instead don sackcloth and ashes anytime you are seen in public with the child, go on welfare for the rest of your natural life and refuse to even attempt to better yourself, because you are a Teen Parent and the best you can hope for is meager survival.
People, this is why things like the "prom baby" happen. Granted, girls who do shit like that are probably a little fucked up to begin with, and it's utterly wrong. I'm not excusing their behavior. What I am saying is that when we bombard young women with these ideas that if they get pregnant they're completely fucked (ha ha) and then expect some sort of contrition in place of celebration from the ones who do have babies, we create a culture of fucking dumpster babies. I have pulled Ronin out of a daycare centre because the owner had the balls to make a distinction (while I was in the room) between "teen moms" and "real moms." I have said very unpleasant things to complete strangers who have made comments like "don't you think you should have at least had the decency to give that baby to someone who can take care of it properly?" I have gotten into a physical altercation with a girl who told me that I shouldn't be happy to be a mother at my age. You just don't fuck with The Beckstar. But not every young mom can be me. The reason these attitudes are allowed to continue is that many young moms don't feel they have the right to stand up for themselves as women and as mothers. And unfortunately, in many parts of our community, the stereotype of the undereducated young mom is true, so these girls don't know how to defend their family the same way I have. (With a few notable exceptions, I tend to believe that the pen is mightier than the sword. But when you mess with my family you'd best believe that I will fucking gut you with that pen and write a letter to my MLA in your blood.)
Let's educate these teen moms, you say? Open special daycare centres and programs for them?
Let me ask you something, my friend. ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH? Have you paid any attention to today's lesson at all? Better yet, have you ever set foot in one of those "special programs" for teen moms? Go ahead, try it. I fucking dare you to see how long you can take being spoken to as though you're a five year old sociopath before you just give up and flush all your kids down the WalMart toilet.
What we need is for people to pull their heads out of their asses and treat mothers like mothers, regardless of age. Discrimination against young parents is a form of human rights violation that is not only still legal, but in fact sponsored by our government. Yes, educate children about sex, pregnancy, birth control and everything that entails. I am a huge proponent of reality-based education, and telling young women that if they have a baby before they are truly ready it will be HARD AS FUCK. What I want is for girls who do get pregnant to be told that they can still accomplish anything they choose, they might just have to work a little harder for it. We need to get rid of these "daycares for children of teen parents" and "teen parent programs." In fact, I wholeheartedly applaud the Saskatchewan Party for abolishing that den of government-employed fuckstains that used to operate on Avenue M South. I have struggled in my life with depression and suicidal thoughts, but never so strongly as I did after my only visit to that building during my pregnancy. Looking back now, I kind of want revenge on the government health nurses and counsellors who psychologically fucking raped me that day, but at the time I walked home KNOWING that my life was effectively over and that I would truly be better off throwing myself in front of a passing truck than ruining my life and dooming my unborn child to the worst kind of hell on earth by having the audacity to have a child at that age.
We as a society need to start treating parents like parents, no matter their age. I am a better mother than many women twice my age. Good or bad parenting does not depend on one's birthdate. I am all for support programs for parents, but they must be all-inclusive. It is extremely psychologically damaging for a young pregnant woman to have to face a distinction between herself and a "real mother." We cannot segregate parental support based on age-it must be done based on need. And regardless of age, a woman who chooses to give birth to and raise a child MUST be allowed and encouraged to see the joy in her decision, and to love her child the way nature has dictated. If we tell young women they shouldn't be happy, love their children and enjoy being mothers, they very likely won't. And that leads to poor parenting and a repeating cycle of poverty, abuse and misery in a far more direct way than age ever can.
I celebrate my child. I have walked a hard road because of my decision to keep him, and I celebrate that too. It has made me who I am today, and this child has brought me more joy and more learning opportunities than anything else in my life. Anyone who says that young mothers shouldn't celebrate their children the same way older mothers do should be sterilized on the spot, because they obviously have some deep seated hatred of children if they advocate parental apathy like that. And if this celebrity controversy can raise public awareness of this travesty, I'll be thrilled. Unfortunately, what it seems to be doing is giving these hateful, discriminatory fear-mongers a platform for their filth. And that makes me a sad panda.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Vindicated?
I recently had this conversation with my doctor...
Doctor (looking at test results): Wow, you're getting much healthier. In fact, you've been steadily improving for a few months now.
Me: Yay!! When did that start?
Doc: Early to mid January, I'd say. Did you make any significant changes around that time?
Me: Ummm, well, I switched departments at work. Otherwise, not that I can think of.
Doc: And I'm guessing that was a change for the better?
Me: How did you guess?
Doc: Well, starting in the fall, your blood tests and exams were showing progressively worse results. That peaked around December, which was when you had those fainting spells, and those strange allergic reaction type rashes started. Then early in January, you started to show a marked improvement, and now you're almost back to where you were at the beginning of last summer, health-wise. Since we never really found a physical explanation for those fainting spells and rashes, I'd say it was related to stress. Now, I'd hate to jump to any conclusions about your personal life, but it seems to me that something in your life, which you got rid of or away from in early January, was making you physically ill. To the point that it was endangering your life. Just something to think about.
Me: Well, that's interesting.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today was good. I've had a good run recently, as far as the whole insanity thing goes. There were a couple of bad days last week, when it took every ounce of willpower I had to even get out of bed, and it felt like I'd never stop crying. But mostly the meds seem to be working.
Doctor (looking at test results): Wow, you're getting much healthier. In fact, you've been steadily improving for a few months now.
Me: Yay!! When did that start?
Doc: Early to mid January, I'd say. Did you make any significant changes around that time?
Me: Ummm, well, I switched departments at work. Otherwise, not that I can think of.
Doc: And I'm guessing that was a change for the better?
Me: How did you guess?
Doc: Well, starting in the fall, your blood tests and exams were showing progressively worse results. That peaked around December, which was when you had those fainting spells, and those strange allergic reaction type rashes started. Then early in January, you started to show a marked improvement, and now you're almost back to where you were at the beginning of last summer, health-wise. Since we never really found a physical explanation for those fainting spells and rashes, I'd say it was related to stress. Now, I'd hate to jump to any conclusions about your personal life, but it seems to me that something in your life, which you got rid of or away from in early January, was making you physically ill. To the point that it was endangering your life. Just something to think about.
Me: Well, that's interesting.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today was good. I've had a good run recently, as far as the whole insanity thing goes. There were a couple of bad days last week, when it took every ounce of willpower I had to even get out of bed, and it felt like I'd never stop crying. But mostly the meds seem to be working.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Why does it still hurt so much?
I recently dealt with a situation where someone about whom I care a great deal caused me a great deal of pain. It's supposed to be all better now, and for the most part it is. But every now and then I still get this twinge inside, like someone's twisting my guts into a knot. Don't get me wrong, I've completely forgiven the person in question. I'm not even a little angry anymore. I'm just...sad. Very, very sad. And I wish I could just turn that off.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Just fer shits and giggles.
Yoinked this from a friend's facebook. I love silly surveys so much.
57 Girl Confessions
1. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
Depends on the time and context. Sometimes it's cute, sometimes it's condescending and makes me want to punt them through a wall.
2. A big poofy dress or a short party dress?
Poofy. If I'm going to wear a dress, I'd usually rather go all out.
3. What would you do if you received a long love letter?
First I'd probably get all sappy and cry like a twerp. Then I'd wonder what he did wrong that he was trying to cover up with the love letter.
4. Group dates or single dates?
Single dates. I do like doing couple-y things in groups, but don't really think of that as a "date" per se.
5. Do you hate it when guys act different around their friends?
Depends on how different.
6. Are diamonds a girl’s best friend?
Not this girl.
7. Is your hair up or down today?
Under a hat.
8. Do you straighten your hair?
No. When I had long hair I did once in a while, but mostly I'm lazy.
9. Favorite mascara?
Whatever's cheapest?
10. Do you get your nails done?
For now.
11. Small or large purses?
Large.
12. In your purse, what are your must haves?
Wallet, keys, cell phone, glucometer and insulin. Plus whatever scraps of paper and assorted things belonging to my kid happen to be in there that day.
13. Jeans or sweats?
Jeans. They are fabulous.
14. Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that’s uncomfortable?
I try to avoid it. Once in a while I make a bad footwear decision...usually while trying to find work shoes. Otherwise I'd rather feel good than look good.
15. Do you text message a lot?
Sometimes it's my sole method of communication for weeks at a time.
16. What would you do if you got pregnant?
Oh Em Gee, like, my life would be, like, over and stuff.
*headdesk*
17. What’s your favorite color?
Currently it's green.
18. Heels or flats?
Flats.
19. Did you ever cry during a romantic movie?
Yeah. I'm a pussy.
20. Would you ever leave the house without make-up on?
Almost every day. If I ever get to the point where I answer no to this question, I want someone to promise they'll put me out of my misery.
21. Walmart or Target?
Somebody dun bin to the Walmart.
22. Do you wear collared shirts?
Sometimes.
23. Do you like preppy boys?
They can be cute, I suppose.
24. Do you think lip gloss is the best!?
OHMYGAWD, it's like you're reading my mind! You're like, telespastic or something!
25. Do you own any big sunglasses?
I could answer this question, but then I'd have to kill you.
26. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
Including food? Hm. Two hours? Hour and a half to lay in bed and complain that I don't want to get up, five minutes to shower, twenty five to run a comb through my hair while I cram cereal down my throat and panic that I'm going to be late.
27. Do you like to wear band-aids?
Only the cool Ninja Turtles ones.
28. Do you like skater boys?
I did when I was younger. Road rash is teh sexx0rz.
29. Do you often wish there was something you could change?
Um, have you actually read the rest of this blog?
30. Gold or silver?
Usually silver/white gold. But gold is pretty too. I'm really not picky.
31. Do you like to receive flowers?
I love flowers. And I guess it's nice to get them from someone. But I also, you know, buy them myself. Flowers is purty.
32. Do you like surfer boys?
They entertain me. But IRL, not so much. There was an incident.
33. Do you dress up for the holidays?
Totally. Reindeer antlers and all.
34. Do you like to wear dresses?
Sometimes. But I tend to forget I'm wearing them and act all unladylike.
35. On a scale of 1-10 how much do guys confuse you?
Um, probably about a 2? Women are way more confusing.
36. In the last 48 hours have you hung out with a guy?
Yes.
37. Would you date a guy shorter than you?
I have.
38. Do you like to hold hands?
Yep.
39. What is the youngest you would date?
*does math*
I'll go with 24.
40. What is the oldest you would date?
39. Just cause I'd feel weird saying 40. But an ex of mine actually turned 39 this year, so it seems like an okay age difference.
41. What do you notice when you first meet a guy?
Whether or not I have an immediate urge to stab them in the throat. Then their eyes, lips and shoulders in no particular order.
42. Is it hott when guys sweat?
Yes. As long as they clean themselves shortly after. A man doing something physical and sweating is sexy. Stale sweat makes me throw up in my mouth a little.
43. What is the best feature in a guy?
Physical feature? Um, lips, eyes and arms.
44. Do you like making eye contact?
Usually.
46. Would you kill for chocolate?
Only to defend myself against a man armed with a skor bar. First you force him to drop the skor bar. Then you eat the skor bar, thus disarming him.
47. Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy?
No. That's silly.
48. On a scale from 1-10 how fun is shopping?
I'm going to go with -87.
49. Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show?
No.
50. Do you yell a lot?
More than is probably healthy.
51. Do you wear sweatpants/pajamas to school/work?
I totally would if I could get away with it. I have at school/other jobs.
52. Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy?
Once. STUPID idea.
53. Do you write a lot of mushy love poems?
No, just a lot of hateful poems.
54. What makeup could you not live w/ out?
If I couldn't live without makeup, I don't think I'd really want to go on anyway. Seriously, what the shit is this?
55. Do you fall in love easily?
Yes.
56. Do you have cramps?
Not currently. I get wicked period cramps though.
57. Do you think you have the bestest friend ever?
Yep.
57 Girl Confessions
1. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
Depends on the time and context. Sometimes it's cute, sometimes it's condescending and makes me want to punt them through a wall.
2. A big poofy dress or a short party dress?
Poofy. If I'm going to wear a dress, I'd usually rather go all out.
3. What would you do if you received a long love letter?
First I'd probably get all sappy and cry like a twerp. Then I'd wonder what he did wrong that he was trying to cover up with the love letter.
4. Group dates or single dates?
Single dates. I do like doing couple-y things in groups, but don't really think of that as a "date" per se.
5. Do you hate it when guys act different around their friends?
Depends on how different.
6. Are diamonds a girl’s best friend?
Not this girl.
7. Is your hair up or down today?
Under a hat.
8. Do you straighten your hair?
No. When I had long hair I did once in a while, but mostly I'm lazy.
9. Favorite mascara?
Whatever's cheapest?
10. Do you get your nails done?
For now.
11. Small or large purses?
Large.
12. In your purse, what are your must haves?
Wallet, keys, cell phone, glucometer and insulin. Plus whatever scraps of paper and assorted things belonging to my kid happen to be in there that day.
13. Jeans or sweats?
Jeans. They are fabulous.
14. Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that’s uncomfortable?
I try to avoid it. Once in a while I make a bad footwear decision...usually while trying to find work shoes. Otherwise I'd rather feel good than look good.
15. Do you text message a lot?
Sometimes it's my sole method of communication for weeks at a time.
16. What would you do if you got pregnant?
Oh Em Gee, like, my life would be, like, over and stuff.
*headdesk*
17. What’s your favorite color?
Currently it's green.
18. Heels or flats?
Flats.
19. Did you ever cry during a romantic movie?
Yeah. I'm a pussy.
20. Would you ever leave the house without make-up on?
Almost every day. If I ever get to the point where I answer no to this question, I want someone to promise they'll put me out of my misery.
21. Walmart or Target?
Somebody dun bin to the Walmart.
22. Do you wear collared shirts?
Sometimes.
23. Do you like preppy boys?
They can be cute, I suppose.
24. Do you think lip gloss is the best!?
OHMYGAWD, it's like you're reading my mind! You're like, telespastic or something!
25. Do you own any big sunglasses?
I could answer this question, but then I'd have to kill you.
26. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
Including food? Hm. Two hours? Hour and a half to lay in bed and complain that I don't want to get up, five minutes to shower, twenty five to run a comb through my hair while I cram cereal down my throat and panic that I'm going to be late.
27. Do you like to wear band-aids?
Only the cool Ninja Turtles ones.
28. Do you like skater boys?
I did when I was younger. Road rash is teh sexx0rz.
29. Do you often wish there was something you could change?
Um, have you actually read the rest of this blog?
30. Gold or silver?
Usually silver/white gold. But gold is pretty too. I'm really not picky.
31. Do you like to receive flowers?
I love flowers. And I guess it's nice to get them from someone. But I also, you know, buy them myself. Flowers is purty.
32. Do you like surfer boys?
They entertain me. But IRL, not so much. There was an incident.
33. Do you dress up for the holidays?
Totally. Reindeer antlers and all.
34. Do you like to wear dresses?
Sometimes. But I tend to forget I'm wearing them and act all unladylike.
35. On a scale of 1-10 how much do guys confuse you?
Um, probably about a 2? Women are way more confusing.
36. In the last 48 hours have you hung out with a guy?
Yes.
37. Would you date a guy shorter than you?
I have.
38. Do you like to hold hands?
Yep.
39. What is the youngest you would date?
*does math*
I'll go with 24.
40. What is the oldest you would date?
39. Just cause I'd feel weird saying 40. But an ex of mine actually turned 39 this year, so it seems like an okay age difference.
41. What do you notice when you first meet a guy?
Whether or not I have an immediate urge to stab them in the throat. Then their eyes, lips and shoulders in no particular order.
42. Is it hott when guys sweat?
Yes. As long as they clean themselves shortly after. A man doing something physical and sweating is sexy. Stale sweat makes me throw up in my mouth a little.
43. What is the best feature in a guy?
Physical feature? Um, lips, eyes and arms.
44. Do you like making eye contact?
Usually.
46. Would you kill for chocolate?
Only to defend myself against a man armed with a skor bar. First you force him to drop the skor bar. Then you eat the skor bar, thus disarming him.
47. Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy?
No. That's silly.
48. On a scale from 1-10 how fun is shopping?
I'm going to go with -87.
49. Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show?
No.
50. Do you yell a lot?
More than is probably healthy.
51. Do you wear sweatpants/pajamas to school/work?
I totally would if I could get away with it. I have at school/other jobs.
52. Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy?
Once. STUPID idea.
53. Do you write a lot of mushy love poems?
No, just a lot of hateful poems.
54. What makeup could you not live w/ out?
If I couldn't live without makeup, I don't think I'd really want to go on anyway. Seriously, what the shit is this?
55. Do you fall in love easily?
Yes.
56. Do you have cramps?
Not currently. I get wicked period cramps though.
57. Do you think you have the bestest friend ever?
Yep.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
My superego can lick my sweaty nutsack.
That's right, I went there.
I recently said to someone that my life would be easier if I had multiple personalities. That way someone else could handle all the badness, and I wouldn't have to deal with the painful memories and such. When shit started hitting the fan, the tough one could come out and deal with it. It sounds terrible, I know, but I sometimes think that would honestly be easier. But after giving that some serious thought, it's occurred to me that in a way I almost do have that. The difference is that I remember and control every personality. Before you all write me off as even crazier than you thought, hear me out.
See, there's the me that I really like. She's smart, creative, sexy, cool under pressure, doesn't really care too much what people think of her, and has turned all our painful memories into fuel-she's righteously angry, and that anger is the spark for her internal pain combustion engine. Problem is, that me doesn't have too much concern for social niceties and is likely to get in a whole lot of trouble if left to her own devices. It's id dragging ego along for a scary ride.
Then there's this me. Fuck, I hate this me. She's whiny, terrified of her own shadow, insecure and easily flustered. Why? Because she's the product of the goddamn superego. She's bent on doing things the "right" way-suffering through all manner of hurt and indignity in order to reach the most socially and politically correct conclusion. She sure as hell remembers all the bad stuff, but she's internalized it in a scary way. Part of her still believes that if she'd done something differently, things like that wouldn't have happened. Not that she really thinks it's her fault, just that maybe she didn't try hard enough to stop or change it. This me wants to forgive everyone who's hurt us, to understand why they did it and let go. She's a fucking hippie freak. She's a people pleaser, she needs approval, and she feels like a failure as a human being if she "lets someone down" or does anything less than perfectly. This is the heavily medicated me.
I suppose someday I should try to integrate these two. And writing all this stuff down probably makes me sound completely batshit bonkers. But I'm starting to think it makes sense. I don't really know where I'm going with this-I just had to get it out.
I recently said to someone that my life would be easier if I had multiple personalities. That way someone else could handle all the badness, and I wouldn't have to deal with the painful memories and such. When shit started hitting the fan, the tough one could come out and deal with it. It sounds terrible, I know, but I sometimes think that would honestly be easier. But after giving that some serious thought, it's occurred to me that in a way I almost do have that. The difference is that I remember and control every personality. Before you all write me off as even crazier than you thought, hear me out.
See, there's the me that I really like. She's smart, creative, sexy, cool under pressure, doesn't really care too much what people think of her, and has turned all our painful memories into fuel-she's righteously angry, and that anger is the spark for her internal pain combustion engine. Problem is, that me doesn't have too much concern for social niceties and is likely to get in a whole lot of trouble if left to her own devices. It's id dragging ego along for a scary ride.
Then there's this me. Fuck, I hate this me. She's whiny, terrified of her own shadow, insecure and easily flustered. Why? Because she's the product of the goddamn superego. She's bent on doing things the "right" way-suffering through all manner of hurt and indignity in order to reach the most socially and politically correct conclusion. She sure as hell remembers all the bad stuff, but she's internalized it in a scary way. Part of her still believes that if she'd done something differently, things like that wouldn't have happened. Not that she really thinks it's her fault, just that maybe she didn't try hard enough to stop or change it. This me wants to forgive everyone who's hurt us, to understand why they did it and let go. She's a fucking hippie freak. She's a people pleaser, she needs approval, and she feels like a failure as a human being if she "lets someone down" or does anything less than perfectly. This is the heavily medicated me.
I suppose someday I should try to integrate these two. And writing all this stuff down probably makes me sound completely batshit bonkers. But I'm starting to think it makes sense. I don't really know where I'm going with this-I just had to get it out.
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