Saskatoon's Tequila Nightclub is the Body Police.

Trigger warning for fat hatred, sensations related to eating disorders, and male entitlement.

Tonight I went to Taboo with Chris and some friends. It was "masquerade night," according to their advertising, so I put together mask/headpiece setups for me and my friend Amie. I figured, hey, in addition to being pretty and crafty and fun, wearing a mask will help with that whole "if I go out in public I might barf on myself" issue. I was right-with my face covered the whole thing was surprisingly easy.

While we were at the show, we found out that there was body painting being done by Ace Angels International. Amie and I both decided to get torso paintings done to match our masks. This meant, of course, that we were topless except for pasties/tape over our nipples. I would like to say that I was thrilled with the professionalism and skill of the Ace Angels team. The artists, photographer and informational team made everyone feel very comfortable and were supportive of anyone who wanted to get involved with this sensual, artistic endeavor. Additionally, the paint jobs themselves were excellent, and we got countless compliments on them, as well as our masks and general attitudes of bravery and fun. Being a public event, of course there were some creepy people, some lecherous types, and some disapproving glances from a few random passers by, but overall the atmosphere at the event itself was very positive, and none of the organizers or vendors were in any way negative or gross.

I got painted first while Amie was at another booth, and she came over and got hers done a bit later. While I was getting my paint job, two women came to the booth and were discussing with the booth operators and artists that they were from Tequila Nightclub and were getting painted for the event, and going back to work after the show closed at midnight. It probably goes without saying, but I'll mention the fact that these women were both conventionally beautiful. They both got torso pieces done-one kept her bra on, the other was completely topless. The Ace Angels photographer also mentioned to me that they were hosting a VIP lounge at Tequila, and that all their body painting customers were welcome. He said that "Miss Taboo" (the winner of a mini-pageant specifically for event staff) would be there in her "winning outfit" (which consisted of torso paint and boy short panties). Basically, the premise seemed to be "hey, topless painted women, come to this bar where there will be more topless painted women and we'll all have fun." I was vaguely disinterested, thinking I'd wait and see how the rest of the night went, but filed the information away.

After we had both gotten our paint jobs, Amie and I were in line at the bar with our boyfriends when we were approached by a man representing Tequila. He gave us some more detailed information about the VIP party, including the fact that we had to arrive before midnight and give a password at the door. Very cheesy stuff, but hey, it's a nightclub. Anyway, the group of us discussed it and decided that we'd go for a little while. If you're all dressed up (or painted up) and have the opportunity to go dancing, you may as well take it, right?

When we arrived at the club, Chris and I went inside while Amie and her boyfriend went to the Tim Horton's next door to meet up with the rest of our group. They were going to meet us inside once they'd gotten everyone together. After getting past the bouncer at the entrance, the coat check, and a second bouncer just inside the club, all of whom saw exactly what I was wearing, Chris and I were standing in line at the ATM, and I was getting "looks." One woman gave me a thumbs-up from a couple of metres away and mouthed, "you look awesome," a few people just looked me up and down either appreciatively or disgustedly but made no comment, and I heard one woman from behind me yelling, "OH MY GOD she's not wearing a shirt!!!" At that I turned around and replied, "Nope, just the paint" with a big smile on my face. Apparently she had nothing to say to me, just about me, because she turned back to her group with a look of disbelief on her face. Most of them were laughing, and one man said, "She could have at least painted that gut to hide it." Naturally, this bit of comedic genius was met with guffaws and giggles from the assembled elite. I shook my head and turned back in the direction I had been facing.

Within about 60 seconds of that, my arm was grabbed and I jerked away, then turned to find a very muscular man in a suit standing to my left. He proceeded to call me "sweetie" (because coming up in my blind spot and touching me just wasn't quite violating enough) and tell me that I needed to put a shirt on. I was kind of confused at this, not to mention having no clue who this dude was, and tried to explain to him that I had just been at Taboo and been told that there was a VIP lounge related to the event and that I had been told by event organisers and representatives of Tequila Nightclub (I didn't say it quite so pretentiously, just wanted to make sure that I mention Tequila Nightclub enough times that Google will pick up on how disgusting and anti-woman Tequila Nightclub is) that I should show up exactly as I was. His response was, and I quote:

"I really don't care what you were told. I'm the head of security here, and the owner of this club just asked me to come tell you that you need to put a shirt on. We're getting complaints. You can't be in here looking like that." (Emphasis original.)

At this point I was feeling a bit triggered, to say the least. I wanted out of there. While I was getting my coat from the coat check, he was hovering behind me and trying to usher me out a side door. Trying not to fall to pieces, I asked Chris to go outside, where I could see the rest of our group standing in line, and tell them what was going on. Suddenly Mr. "Head of Security" said, "Oh, there are people meeting you right now?" and disappeared from my side. By the time I actually got outside, apparently the rest of the group had been told that either due to a miscommunication or "something," the dress code was not what we had been told.

Apparently all of this was communicated politely enough that when I tried to tell everyone what had been said while they were outside, their responses made me feel like I was being brushed off as paranoid.

So, right now I'm a big pile of "triggered" and am going to bed. I am typing this only with the aid of Lorazepam and staying upright with sheer force of rage. I have that lovely sensation that I haven't missed at all since I've been dealing with my disordered eating, where I'm hungry and know I should eat something, but the thought of food makes me panic and twists my stomach into knots, and I know if I try to eat anything it won't stay down.

Tomorrow I'm going to write down the bare-bones details of the events (basically this blog post without personal commentary) and this will be Dealt With.

Regardless of whether there really was some grand scale miscommunication wherein everyone I spoke to at the original event was somehow misled, the way that bouncer handled the situation was Not Okay. And seeing as how their freaking waitresses were at the body paint booth at the same time I was, I'm inclined to think that the only miscommunication was the weight limit in their dress code.

At best, this situation is an epic marketing and PR failure. At worst, it's exactly what it looks like.

Colour Me Not At All Shocked.

Via the always awesome Shakesville, I found this little gem. After today's events, I am too drugged up to articulate a real response to it. Maybe later I'll have something useful to say in comments.


For now, discuss.

I Am Uneducated!!

Dear Friend of Chris' With Whom I Argued on Facebook,

I understand that you have Important Opinions, which you gained while Studying! For Four Years! To obtain A Degree! Good for you.

I also have Important Opinions, though since mine have only been developed through Living In The Current Society, Being Conscious Of My Experiences, and occasionally Reading Something, they are likely not as exciting as yours.

Also, apparently I have a Utopian Utilitarian worldview. You told me this today. As an ignorant savage-one who votes NDP no less!-I would like to thank you for teaching me about myself. If it weren't for "Realists" like you, where could I turn for Valuable Information? I am humbled by the revelation that my expectation of decent treatment for all humans is "utopian."

Sincerely,
Me.


P.S. I apologise if this letter takes overly long to reach you. Sometimes the postal service here in my Magical Fairy Queendom is slow.

Insanity And Dessert

As some of you know, I am having a wild adventure with psychiatric medications, or rather the lack thereof. The stuff I had been on for over three years has stopped providing enough benefits to justify the level of side effects, so my doctor thinks there is something better for me. The fun part is that before I can start on anything new, I have to get the old stuff completely out of my system. I am currently down to the 37.5 mg dosage of Effexor once a day, which is really not much at all. I take this dosage for two more days. Then I am officially unmedicated for the first time since the era some of you may recall as "the drunk and naked years," during which I did a lot of exactly what that sounds like, as well as being unable to do much of anything without having insane crying fits.

Well, I guess I won't be *completely* unmedicated. I have Lorazepam! Yay! Or something! So basically, I still can't really do anything, but it's because I'm unconscious. It's like I'm a crying baby, and my doctor was like, "here, have some scotch" and BAM it's quiet time for the next few hours.

This has basically led to me being a complete failure at everything. I sit around my house and have panic attacks, then take a pill and nap for like seventeen hours, then do it all over again. I can't keep plans made with anyone, I can't have Ronin around, I can barely shower. Apologies to anyone who has been subject to my "hey that sounds awesome, I'll totally leave my house and do stuff with you...oh wait I'm insane and I can't."

Yesterday was in all honesty the worst day I have had in a long time. I woke up from an incredibly bizarre and frightening dream in a panic, feeling this deep sense of hopelessness. Honestly, the only coherent thought I could formulate was "I am going to die before ever being ok again." (To clarify- I am not feeling at all suicidal, thankfully. I do not *want* to die, and have no intention of speeding up the process. I just felt that I would never get better.) I can't even fully express how awful it was. The panic, the sadness, the hopelessness...I just really don't have words for it. It was like floating through space, being pulled closer and closer to a black hole and knowing there was nothing I could do to stop it. I ended up spending almost the entire day in bed. I just couldn't face consciousness.

Today I feel a tiny bit better. I'm still in a near-constant frightened state, but it's a low-grade "everything is terrible and scary" rather than a full-fledged panic. I can't really see colours like normal, and I kind of feel like I'm covered in bubble wrap and can't really interact with the world. But in retrospect, that's pretty much how my life feels when I'm unmedicated.

On a slightly  more cheerful note, dessert! I had been seeing pictures all over the place of these delightful, pretty little cookie things. I did some clicking, and discovered that they're called macarons. I did some more clicking and found a recipe, and said to myself, "hey, those are basically the meringue cookies I sometimes make when I'm feeling fancy. Except they are even more fancy, seeing as how the batter stuff is delicately piped onto baking sheets instead of just slopped on with a spoon, and also they have lovely filling." So sometime soon maybe I'll try to make the extra-fancy filled version. Lemon and raspberry, perhaps.

For now though, I have a family-sized package of croissants and some squeezable jam.

CRTC Feedback!!!

CBC News - Technology & Science - CRTC seeks internet billing feedback

Comment there!!

EVERYONE STOP EATING RIGHT NOW OMG.

CBC News - Health - Diabetes diagnoses expected to surge: report


OMG THE OBESITY EPIDEMIC BOOGA BOOGA.

*headdesk*

I Am Baking!!

Cupcakes. There will be delicious cupcakes.

At least I hope there will be...it was one of those, "hm, what's in the cupboards that could potentially turn into deliciousness?" moments.

True Fact: I am not a Food Blogger. Ulla, Pixee, Barbie, and everyone else who writes wonderful things about food, with precise measurements and actual ingredients and stuff-I love what you do. I am just not well equipped to do it. Because as I said, I am not a Food Blogger. I am a Kind-Of-Fat, Ineffectual-Rage-Filled Feminist, Yeah-I-Am-A-Mom-But-That-Is-A-Touchy-Subject-Right-Now, I-Have-Many-Opinions-But-If-You-Disagree-That's-Totally-Rad-As-Long-As-You-Afford-Me-The-Same-Respect, Lazy Blogger. And I cook like I blog. In that, hey, here's a link/ingredient/concept that seems like it would be great, so let's throw it in there and see what happens. Having said that, here is my cupcake recipe.

 You will need:

• Some dry stuff. I used flour, baking powder (because science), sugar, cocoa (because chocolate) and fairy dust.
• Some wet stuff. I used half a pot of cold coffee, some dark rum, about an ounce of chocolate almond nondairy creamer, some olive oil, and a couple of eggs. This is stuff I happened to have around that I thought would make good cupcakes.
• A big bowl. Mine is pink.
• A cupcake baking tray doodad.
• Cupcake paper things. Today I happened to have white ones on hand, but I usually enjoy the multicoloured kind. Because, well, bright colours.
• A mixing/scooping device, if you're not into using your hands.
• A heat source. I prefer an oven.

Procedure:

1. Put the dry stuff in your big bowl and mix it up, to avoid random clumps in the batter. If you are tempted to not mix it, remember that while a random chocolate clump may sound delicious, a random baking powder clump will probably make you barf.
2. Add the wet stuff. Mix it all really well. You can use a traditional mixing device, like a stick or your hands, or a spoon, or if you're feeling really classy, one of those electric mixing things.
3. Get your heat source ready. I heated my oven to about 325 F. YMMV, depending on your heat source.
4. Line your cupcake tray thing with your cupcake paper whatsits. Use your scooping device (hands, spoon, whatever) to fill them about halfway with the batter.
5. Bake them. You will know they are cupcakes when they look cupcakey and also don't get goo all over the toothpick you stick into the middle of one to test it.
6. Take them out of the oven and cool them at least enough so that you don't burn yourself by taking a bite. Nothing takes the joy out of baking like a trip to the emergency room. Okay, a lot of things probably take the joy out of baking in a severe manner, but I am here to be happy about cupcakes, so shut your negative facehole.
7. Decorate your cupcakes if you want, or just put them in your face and eat.

Now, some of you may be all like, "But Becca, those are not cupcakes! They are at best, chocolatey muffins! You said decorating was optional! Those are MUFFINS, which are basically lazy and ugly cupcakes!!" And to you I say, "My cupcakes don't have to fit your baking beauty standards. If I want them to be all unadorned, they are no less cupcakey in their cupcakeyness! Stop pigeonholing delicious beauty!" And then you look at me kind of funny and start slowly backing away, and I vehemently insist that I TOTALLY DID NOT drink most of that rum before I added the last bit to the cupcakes, and GOD WHY ARE YOU ALL SO JUDGY.

Ahem. Ok, if you want to decorate your cupcakes, which should be done as an extra thing because it is fun, not as a mandatory practice to conform to the unrealistic standards perpetuated by the Food Network, then here's how you can do it, the Crazy Person Super Fun Becca Way.

You will need:

• A big bowl. This time I'm using a blue one.
• A mixing device
• Icing sugar.
• Something gooey, like butter, cream cheese, or mayonnaise. Today I'm using a mixture of mayo and peanut butter, because shut up and try something new.
• Maybe some vanilla or something? Or essence of whatever the heck flavour you want? I dunno, it's your tastebuds.
• Food colouring (optional)
• Smaller bowls to make different colours of icing (optional)

How to do it:

1. Mix the gooey stuff, flavour and icing sugar in the big bowl. It should look and taste like icing. Figure it out. This is not the Food Network, and I am not Rachael Ray.  
2. If you want to make it all one pretty colour, add some food colouring. If you want multiple colours, divide the mixture into as many bowls as you want colours and add food colouring appropriately. Today I'm just doing it all a really bright teal-ish green sort of colour.
3. Spread it on the cupcakes.

There, now you have cupcakes. Nom them.

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Ok, so mine turned out...meh. The cupcakes themselves were yummy, though they maybe could have used a bit more wet stuff. The frosting was excessively oily and weird looking, but delicious. But once they sat in the fridge for a bit, everything set up nicely and now I have yay cupcakes. I would take a picture, but my camera batteries died and I can't find the spares, so you'll just have to take my word for it.