Thursday, October 4, 2007

I'm such a bad liar.

Okay, I know I promised to minimize the shit and bitching on here. But right now I think I'm justified. So, if you will, allow me a brief rant.

As many of you know, I recently ended my engagement and kicked him out of my house. It was a messy situation and I don't want to go into too much detail here, but I will say that it's been a massive source of stress lately. There's also been some ongoing fallout from that, and all in all it sucks.

Shitty situation number 2-a friend of mine from high school was killed this week. We had lost touch over time, hadn't talked much recently, and now she's gone. I won't even be able to go to the funeral because it's in Shellbrook and I can't get there this weekend. I'm going to pass along some communication in a more personal way as well, but if any of you folks reading this are going, pass on my condolences to Geanine's family. They'll all be in my prayers, as will the other two passengers. Robert, however...I can't bring myself to pray for him yet. Maybe eventually.

And because everything hasn't fallen apart quite enough, I'm running into all kinds of obstacles as far as school goes. Here's where I really start ranting, as opposed to quickly summing up what exactly went bad. For those of you who don't know yet, I have decided that I want to be a doctor. But to qualify for pre med, I have to pick up a couple of high school classes I didn't bother with the first time around. (I have my grade 12, but need some prerequisites for university.) I'm over 22, so I have to pay for high school classes. $300 a pop, and I need four of them. It's not going to be cheap. So, I plan to continue working while I'm in school and take night classes. Once I get to university, I'll have some student loans. Not that I need any more debt, but it's probably not an option to do otherwise at this point. I don't have parents to pay for everything, and I honestly can't make enough money to survive, support myself and my kid AND pay tuition for what...eight years? Seriously, not going to happen. But anyway, since you can't get loans for high school, I tried to find out if there are any options as far as some financial assistance, me being a working single mom and all. I was basically told to go fuck myself.

Well, not in so many words. See, if I want to quit my job and sit around on welfare, the government will be more than happy to pay for my high school classes. God knows they're paying for enough fucking useless single mothers in this province to lay around and not attend high school classes. Take the woman that birthed me, for example. She's been put through several different classes by the government. She could be making all kinds of cash as a gainfully employed member of society. Instead, she is still sitting on welfare. And I personally know at least four women who are currently being carried through life by the provincial government, enrolled in classes they don't attend and with no intention of actually working to support themselves or their broods at any point in the forseeable future. The government loves slutty useless bitches. Dropping hundreds of thousands of tax dollars to support those who refuse to support themselves is priority number fucking one. But a single mother who wants to work to support her own family, as well as attend school and maybe be part of the solution to this "massive physician shortage" everyone keeps talking about? A little bit of help to bridge the financial gap created by trying - completely on my own, no less - to better myself and my community? Can't have that. Look at that, I'm so angry I changed from third to first person in the middle of a fucking paragraph. Ugh.

Seriously, the whole pile of crap the government thinks is an effective assistance program to offer education options to low income families or single parents? Miserable failure. I say we need to start flat out refusing education assistance like that to people who aren't working at least part time while in school. And if you're willing to work enough to supply your own living costs, and the government wants to cut you a break on the cost of your classes so you can actually accomplish something with your life other than being a professional semen receptacle? That's fucking awesome. Love that idea. I'm not even mad that they won't pay for even part of my classes. I'm mad at the inequity. I'm mad that it's being made so difficult for me to become what I know I'm capable of becoming, and so easy for these trashbag whores to become...I don't even know what they're becoming. Bigger trashbag whores?

I'm just feeling unbelievably shitty. I need a hug.

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