Monday, December 15, 2008

Serious overshare alert.

Yeah, I'm not kidding. I'm about to talk about my vagina, and not in a fun, sexytime kind of way. So, stop reading if you don't want to hear it.




Okay, if you're still here, don't say I didn't warn you.



I have always had extremely heavy periods. Like, for serious. As an example, one month when I was about 13, I knew I was bleeding super heavily and was about to go hang out with this guy I was seeing (translation: our families were friends and we used to make out while the adults weren't looking) and I didn't want to be an icky, period-stained blob. Which was something that was, unfortunately, often unavoidable for me...my mom did a lot of things wrong, but one of the few things she got right was usually calling me in sick on days 2 through 5 or so of my period, because there was just no way for those days to go well for me. Anyway, back to my gross story about the cute boy... right before I left for his house, approximately a five-minute drive, I put in a tampon AND stuck on an overnight pad. After my stepdad dropped me off and the boy and I went through the requisite pleasantries with his parents, we wandered off to "get slurpees and go to the park." (You know, walk through some back alleys to a park on the opposite side of the neighborhood and make out under the slide. Don't get all judgey, you all did it too.) Anyhoo, by the time we got to the park and settled in for some kissing, I had been wearing my tampon and pad for about an hour and a half. I ended up on his lap. We were there for...probably about 20 minutes? I'm not completely sure, but it couldn't have been long. Anyway, when we stood up, I had bled through a tampon and heavy flow pad, through my pants and onto his jeans. That's roughly two hours time, soaking through what should be a minimum four hours of protection. And this kind of flow was a monthly occurrence for me for a few years. Yay for my woman parts, seriously. *headdesk*

After I had Ronin, my periods actually got somewhat normal, in the sense that I usually didn't lose so much blood that I fainted every month. Still, though, I was a gusher in the most disgusting sense of the word. The only time I've had periods that didn't leave my crotch looking like something out of a horror movie is when I've been on hormonal birth control.

The problem is, right now I'm at this place where I'm not comfortable with the potential risks of HBC for myself, given the other health issues I'm dealing with, so I just stay away from it. It tends to change my natural responses to insulin in particular, and I've found that teh diabeetus is easier to control when I'm not otherwise screwing with my endocrine system, so...yeah. Yay, barrier methods. The downside of this, though, is that I'm back to my vagina (and my underwear, and my bedsheets, and sometimes my pants if I'm not RIDICULOUSLY vigilant) looking like a crime scene. No level of menstrual protection does me any damn good at all. Thankfully, I've gotten to the point where a super-flow tampon AND a backup pad will usually protect my clothes in the event that I have to go more than three hours without changing my protection, but it's still pretty damn ridiculous. (And no doctor has been able to make it stop. Apparently, I'm just one of those women who bleed a lot.)

So, I have decided to try the Diva Cup. From what I've heard, it's a much better way to protect during heavy flow than tampons, and you can still use pads as backup if you want to. I'm hoping it will work. For the first time in pretty much forever, I'm actually looking forward to my period...it's gonna be like a science experiment! Watch this space for updates, since I like to talk about my cunt every chance I get. :P Also, let me know if you've tried the Diva Cup, and what kind of experiences you've had with it.

1 comment:

Heather Renee said...

I've never even heard of the Diva Cup, but can say that I understand your flow problem. I swear, if I didn't know better, I would believe I was aborting a kid every time I was menstruating. Not only do I have the terrific flow, but also have cramps that resemble birthpains. Let me know how your experiment goes.
P.S. The doctors always told me that after I had children, both the flow and cramps would lessen. They lied.