More background. I have thus far been the only "associate" in the Saskatoon office. This means that my training has been...unique, to say the least. There hasn't been time or resources to properly train me, so I've done everything by the seat of my pants. The boss hasn't actually watched and reviewed my presentation yet, and hasn't given me a lot of the information that new hires would usually get during training.
This week, there was a hiring cycle and training class going on. One of the managers from Calgary came out to help with that. Funny thing is, not a single person was hired. Apparently, no "quality people" wanted the job. Interesting, I say. Anyway, this freed up today to work on my training. Bear in mind that I've been doing the presentation that I figured out myself from the bits and pieces that I was taught for almost two months now. So, the three of us sat down in the conference room that was supposed to be used for training this week's crop of new hires and went over my dem.
Hoo, boy. Apparently I've been doing EVERYTHING wrong. Now, this wouldn't bother me as much if the boss would acknowledge that it's because I got inferior training. But no, a good chunk of this stuff he insists that he did teach me, I just "wasn't paying attention." I know this is bullshit, and him just covering in front of his Calgary buddy. Besides the fact that I think the two of them were being too harsh on me...there are some things that I feel I've done extremely well which they felt the need to pick apart anyway. Of course, they made sure to point out that they "weren't trying to gang up on me" the whole time both of them were tearing apart everything I did, without a compliment or any buffer for the criticism aside from "you really know the science and statistics side of things, but your knowledge doesn't matter if you're presenting it this way." Um, thanks?
But wait! My presentation is not the worst they've ever seen, and they don't think it's the real reason I'm having so much trouble! You know what IS the problem?
I'm aware that I don't look quite as amazing as I always used to, at least from a wardrobe perspective. I used to have a whole closet full of clothes that were just perfect for work like this: professional but still pretty, pulled-together without being stuffy, and just the right dash of sex appeal thrown into the whole mess. However, I've gained a LOT of weight and gotten rid of all those clothes, and haven't spent the money on a FULL new wardrobe yet because my size and shape are still fluctuating so much that it's pointless to do so. I've bought enough pieces to get by as I can afford them. Now, neither the boss or Mr. Calgary today would flat-out say that I end up looking either slobby or slutty, but that was the gist of their concerns. They talked a lot about the need for "well-fitting" work clothes and how it's problematic when clothing "puckers and bunches and just doesn't look right" or is just too big. Gaping blouses are bad, but so are blouses that are too loose around the waist and shoulders.
Hey, guys: grow a pair of DD's and then go find blouses that fit. I fucking dare you.
Another concern is that the clothing of mine that DOES fit is...well, just inappropriate. "I didn't want to say anything," says the boss, "but it's just that it's all really....well, clinging. You know, in...certain areas." I get it. I have boobs. I cannot dress them to your specifications. I have not achieved the proper madonna/whore balance for your business desires.
Look, I get that I have to dress appropriately for work. But I'm trying so fucking hard, and it doesn't make it easier that every time I find something that kind of fits me, I either gain or lose weight and it all goes to shit. I don't need a couple of young guys (both younger than me and sure that they know more than I do about EVERYTHING) pointing out that sometimes my blouse rides up when I move around and you can see my love handles a little, and it's probably grossing out the customers. (Not their exact words, but it didn't take much to see that's what they were hinting at a few times.)
Also, the reason I have trouble selling to older couples and single women? Probably because I "look like a homewrecker," according to Mr. Calgary. I mean, never mind the fact that I've wrecked at least one home in my day (totally by accident, I swear); where the fuck does he get off saying that out loud?
Sexism and privilege at work, folks.
So, because my day hasn't been awesome enough, I was on my way to a 6:30 appointment and started to feel queasy. I pulled over and went to get out of the car, and I guess I wasn't fast enough. Yep, I barfed on myself. So, I was allowed to go home and shower. Isn't that nice? Unfortunately, I was wearing my last clean pair of pants, so I think I'll have to phone in and say I can't make an 8:30 because I have nothing appropriate to wear. The boss and Mr. Calgary should appreciate that, right?