Monday, June 8, 2009


After the whole head shaving incident last year, it took me a while to get back into a good headspace. Hair has special significance for me, and what I'm doing with mine generally reflects how I'm feeling. Once I got past the problem of feeling like I didn't deserve to have hair, muscled through the awkward, fuzzy, growing out phase, and tried a few different varieties of pixie cuts, I finally decided a few months ago that I was ready to grow my hair again. I've been so excited about it. I finally unpacked my hair accessories from where I shoved them when I shaved my head, and every time I go shopping I look at glittery hair clips and the like with rising anticipation. I miss my hair. I miss it a lot. I remember what it looked like when I moved back to Saskatoon from Shellbrook, and DAMN. I was hot. So the prospect of having long, gorgeous hair again has made me very happy.

My hair is baby fine, but there's a lot of it. It takes a great deal of razor cutting and texturizing to make it behave at all. Since I'm broke, I've been texturizing it myself lately. This has worked out quite well for me. Much better than I thought it would. (Yes, Jackie, I know I promised I'd come to you. But you have no idea how broke I really am. I'm very sorry.)

Last night, since I couldn't sleep anyway, I decided to do some prettifying. I gave myself a mini-facial, re-shaped my fingernails, and decided it was time to texturize my hair and trim my bangs a little. Everything was going well until what was supposed to be the last little bit of texturizing, at the front of my head just behind the bangs. Apparently lost in a daydream, I grabbed the wrong pair of scissors and cut a giant chunk out of the front of my hair.

After trying pretty much everything I could think of to fix or hide my mistake, I realised that the only option was going to be shaving my fucking head again.

So now my hair is gone, and I'm devastated. I couldn't even finish cutting it myself-I had to get Chris to shave it for me while I bawled like an infant.

There's no real point to this post, just me getting this out there. I'm bald and depressed. FML.


Anonymous said...

I think you should ask yourself why you feel so violently down about the shaved look now, when you enjoyed it before. What has changed, besides what you wanted? If all that has changed is fashion desire rather than ideas about the look itself, then you should recall that no one is going to look at you any differently than they did before.

You asked for people's personal opinion of the indicated photo. I think in that photo you look very serious and not so happy, and knowing that you had your head shaved previously (when you enjoyed it), I do not know how to interpret the photo. As for my opinion of you and a shaved head, I honestly feel that you are one of those people who looks nicest with a bit of hair, but I also think that you can carry off the shaved look. Some women can't carry it off, but you can.

Mostly, I think that you really need to relax and stop giving yourself reasons to be upset. I'll be honest (and this is not criticism of YOU): your emotions are all over the place and I see you as being a bit self-sabotaging even today. Granted, I wasn't there to see how much you cut off, half-asleep, but I think that there is generally always a better solution to the situation than what happened.

I used to cut my own hair when I was stressed-out. One day, back when I was 21, I decided that I hated my hair, hated my life, hated so many things and wanted change. I chose to shave just half of my head. It looked terrible because I used the wrong razor, but I enjoyed the benefits - including how it affected those males who judged me based more on looks than personality. It was the best method I had ever used to cut the wheat from the chaff... unfortunately, it was during this period that I realised that my head was not the best shape for the Sinead look, and that my mostly colourless hair would look strange when it began growing in. I also had not considered how to hide half-grown-in hair once I decide I wanted it longer again.

The women in our set were awesome -- super supportive! In fact, they cheered. I felt so liberated. The only people who made me feel lesser for my new look were people who I was now disappointed in, and myself.

Take care, hon. Don't hold yourself down. Clothing, accessories, hair, body mods... it's all just stuff. Try picturing everyone you know wearing very natural coverings -- cotton wraps, muslin, or nothing. We are all beautiful equally at our most basic... Too many people forget that.

--Miss Jessie

Anonymous said...

hey its jackie. i would have done it for free. i still will when you grow it back. i would love to shave my head and have a brand new canvas to work with. you still look beautiful like always. love you.