Wednesday, February 23, 2011

In Which I Use Run-On Sentences

A close friend is going through a horrible divorce. The marriage has been over and they have been legally separated for...oh, I don't know, like two and a half years now? But the property division and child custody issues are just now being hashed out, and it is awful.

Here's the thing that gets me: if marital property has been divided equitably (assets sold and proceeds divided) and both parties agree that at this point, the main focus should be on providing the best life possible for their child, what is the point of dragging things out and trying to "get" as much as you can out of your former spouse? Really, there is no good reason for it.

I want to tell my friend's ex to stop being such a miserable person. If you still have any caring feelings for someone to whom you were married, it would make sense to just let go of the situation that has caused you both pain and hope that they can find peace and happiness in their life, because 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, morons, I'm pretty sure it says something that could apply here, and that you can both heal and grow from this.  Then get over yourselves and try your best to resolve the situation peacefully, for the sake of your child. If you are full of hate and anger toward your former partner and the end of the marriage has caused you immeasurable misery, it would make sense to try to get past the hurtful situation and heal and grow on your own terms, rather than clinging to every last scrap of connection to the other person and trying to exact your revenge by dragging out court proceedings and accusing them, with really no evidence, of violating various (really insignificant in the big picture) aspects of your separation agreement just so that you can get more money than the six figure sum you have already gotten from the sale of your combined assets, because regardless of whether every single detail has gone the way YOU wanted it to, you are both grownups and the end result of everything has been really pretty alright, so just deal and move on.

Also, there are other friends of this couple who I know have been not only taking sides (not gonna judge you there, I've totally picked my side) but "sneakily" trying to obtain information about one party to feed to the other to stoke the flames of hate and bitterness. Like asking mutual friends "oh what was that thing that I suddenly remembered you were saying six months ago about what Bob said to Susan?" in what they seem to think is a totally subtle way but is not at all. I am on to you, and IMO you should probably butt out. Seriously, this is a horrible enough experience without you "helping."

Really, regardless of how two people feel about each other at this point in time, isn't there something to be said for having once shared a deep love, and for trying to raise a child together without traumatizing them excessively? What is the actual purpose of dragging someone into court to say "I think that you probably did (x) two weeks before the date that was officially written in our separation agreement two years ago, and even though whether or not you did had absolutely no bearing on how anything was accomplished and I have no evidence, I am going to have your bank accounts frozen and try to get an extra twenty grand out of our shared assets because I am bitter and angry?" Is there any possible motivation for this other than hate, control issues and being a rotten, money grubbing asshole? Grow up, dood.

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